For some of you, February fourteenth may be a day you don’t look forward to and may in fact even secretly dread. Perhaps you avoid your social media page for those 24 hours so you won’t have to see the many, many Valentine's Day posts shared between couples. Even though we try to hide our hurts or make light of it by calling it "Singles Awareness Day" or replace it with "Galentines Day", the truth is, it can be hard for the girls who longed to have a relationship and be married. It is easy to feel discouraged at the seemingly permanent relationship status and sometimes these feelings of dismay are rooted in statements that have either been made in passing, or thoughts that have crept their way into our mind. The problem is that these are not true statements, so I wanted to go over these five lies Christian single girls can be tempted to believe
Lie # 1 - There must be something wrong with me
This is often the lie that girls first believe when a certain amount of time has passed and they have not been asked out on a date. They tend to look around at the other girls who are already in a relationship and then look at themselves, usually in the mirror. They search for blemishes and ways to fix them or make them go away. I know that it is a temptation, but this is based on the flawed thinking that you have to appear a certain way in order to be noticed or that you were created with a defect which is why you are still single. That is a lie. God created you just as you are, your eye and hair color, the shape of your nose and even how tall you are were all chosen by the One who loves you. When you look at your reflection what you see is the image bearer of God, fearfully and wonderfully made to mirror Him to the world, a world that is in need. God does not make mistakes, everything He does is with perfection and with purpose. Please don’t ever think that you have to change how you are or look just to get a boyfriend or husband. The man God has for you will love you exactly as you are. However, I do want to say that this does not mean we can give ourselves a pass to live as we please or never care about ourselves. Our body is the temple of the Lord, meaning we should take good care of it and make wise choices. We should always strive to grow in the Lord which does mean overlooking any of the character flaws we may have or the bad behavior we may allowed in our life. God wants to refine us into His image, purging the things that hinder us from becoming who He desires us to be. When we make our life about pleasing Him everything else will fall into place and we can have peace and rest, knowing that His plans and timing are always perfect.
Lie # 2 - There no good guys left
This is actually a pretty big one and while I am inclined to believe that there feel are fewer good guys around who truly love the Lord, it is a lie that there are absolutely none left. I will never forget what one girl said regarding this idea. Even in Israel's time of the judges, when men were doing that which was right in their own eyes, God still had a Boaz for His Ruth. This is something that we need to remember and one of the reasons I always like to include a Miss to Mrs. story in the magazine. It serves as a reminder that God is still bringing good, godly people together. These stories are proof that good men still exist. I know that it can be discouraging, especially as we look around but maybe that’s one of the problems, we should be looking up not around or down at the ground. God knows your desire and will bring you a man that is just right for you. Don’t allow this lie to cause you to compromise or settle for something less than God’s best. I encourage you to listen to the podcast episode entitled, "I said no twice." which is an interview I did with my friend Julie. She had been waiting a long time for God to bring her her husband. She was in her mid twenties when she began a serious relationship which led to an engagement. As her wedding day approached she was struggling with peace, she wondered if she was doing the right thing and finally, four weeks before the wedding, called it off. That took a tremendous amount of courage on her part but she knew it was necessary. It would be almost two years before God brought her and her now husband together but she always tells me she is so glad she waited. He is perfect for her in every way and I love seeing pictures of her and her husband because they look so happy. That is what I want for each of you, the man God has for you. Can I encourage you to remember just how much God loves you and that you can trust Him with every part of your life, including a husband? I promise that when you trust God with your future you will never be disappointed.
Lie # 3 - I am not worthy of marriage and I am being punished
This one is interesting and something we may not openly admit even to ourselves but it is there. I remember reading about this lie in the Fall 2021 issue of the Sit Still my Daughter magazine. The Miss to Mrs. story was written by a friend of mine who brought this point out. She questioned whether she was not married because she was unworthy of being married, that God was denying it to her for some reason, but then she began to think about it in a deeper way. She concluded that this was faulty reasoning since people got married all the time, both lost and saved, so it was not a special prize granted to the best behaved, most talented, or exceptionally spiritual person. I loved that and quietly said an Amen! It was such a great statement and a truth that overcame the lie. She also said that we don’t receive good things because we deserve them and I couldn’t agree more. Our God is a good God who loves His children and bestows blessings upon us because He loves us not because we have earned them. Something else I loved about my friend’s conclusion is the fact that she looked into God’s Word for an answer regarding this thought and realized it was based on a lie. We need to take these thoughts and reasons that we have and compare them to scripture to see if it is so. She was able to conquer this lie with the truth of God’s word. Being single is not a punishment and if you are married you must have been more deserving than me. We also need to be careful of what we believe because often one lie leads to another, such as, you are being denied marriage because you are not worthy and something must be wrong with you. My friend stopped the lie through careful examination of the scripture and that is what you need to do whenever these doubts begin to creep into your heart. Take time to read through the precious promises of scripture or ones of affirmation such as
Psalm 119:68 Thou art good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes.
Ephesians 3:17-19 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Isaiah 54:10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
The only antidote to a lie is the truth and this is why it is essential to spend time in the Word of God every day because we will know the truth and the truth will drive out the lies. Satan wants to fill our hearts with lies so he can discourage us and hinder our ability to live as God intended. Make it a priority to be in the Word of God every day, I promise you will never regret the time you spend there.
Lie # 4 - My life won’t start until I am married
So many times I listened to girls say, "when I am married I am going to do this" or "when I am married I can do that". It surprised me in many ways because it made it seem that we had to be married to begin a purposeful life. It was as if they were saying that until I am married I really can’t do anything but that is the furthest thing from the truth. There are countless stories of single women who did great things for God including Miriam, the sister of Moses. She never married yet she was instrumental in leading the people in praise after they crossed the Red Sea. God is not interested in your relationship status but the condition of your heart. He only needs someone who is willing to follow Him anywhere and do whatever He asks. Your best life is the one spent pursuing Him no matter where it takes you. So many times I read of two people pursuing God wholeheartedly and it led them to each other. You don’t need to be married to serve God, in fact your single years offer you the most flexibility in serving. You don’t have to consider a husband or children before saying yes to something. Make the most of your single years, stay close to God, and invest yourself in serving Him in whatever way He leads. Don’t fall for the lie that you need to be married in order to do something. There are countless organizations that you can volunteer for, ministries in your local church to involve yourself with and investing yourself in the relationships God has given you such as your family and friends. Your life right now has meaning and purpose so go ahead and live for God in this current season.
Lie # 5 - You are too picky
This is one I have heard many times with multiple illustrations such as, when you keep climbing the apple tree looking for the very best apple, you may just reach the top and run out of apples. I do understand some of their point, sometimes girls can get caught up in the little things such as I want a man with blue eyes and blond hair or he needs to have this kind of job or be this tall. These things are what we call preferences and are a lot different than principles. Preferences are definitely flexible. Our number one concern should be with a man’s character not his appearance. A man who is pursuing God possesses something that will not fade away unlike a handsome face that will slowly wane over time. When it comes to character you have the right to be picky. I have a blog post that talks about the Man worth waiting for which was taken from the book Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. This is a must read for every single girl. Here is a quick run down of these nine qualities mentioned.
Don't listen to the lies
I hope that if you have been tempted to believe any of these lies or they have tried to take root in your heart, this article can help you overcome them. You are a daughter of the King of Kings, and He loves you more than anyone else which means He only wants the best for you. Know and believe that He has not forgotten you. When you start to feel discouraged as you scroll past another single friend who has just changed her status, remember that your season of singleness has a purpose. Spend your days pursuing the things of God, dig deep into His word and you will be amazed at what happens. Above all else, learn to be satisfied with God alone. A man, however wonderful, can never satisfy your soul, only the One who made you can fill the void inside, the One who longs to know you, loves you with an everlasting love, and invites you to sit still. Stay encouraged my friend and stay in the Word.
I am just an ordinary girl who is loved by an extraordinary God and I seek to love others the same way. I love to bake, read, do puzzles, watch Hallmark movies, and go shopping with my mom! This blog was created as a place where I could share some thoughts that the Lord has shown me and to be an encouragement to others who desire to know Him in a deeper way. My prayer is to learn to sit still and trust God with my future.
Did you know that Sit Still my Daughter has a magazine for women? Real woman share real stories of their struggles with self-worth, fear, anxiety, infertility, and waiting on God for their spouse. Click here to read it!