101 questions to ask before getting engaged.

101 Questions to ask before getting engaged is an amazing book! It's a great discussion starter and has so many helpful questions and thoughts. I have listed the questions below but I strongly recommend buying the book because he has question discussions after each question which is extremely helpful. This book is great to have on hand for loaning out or for counselor's too.

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1. What makes it easy for you to be open and vulnerable, and what makes it difficult?
   
   
2. What is your greatest fear or concerns about being married? What have you done to address these concerns?
   
   
3. If you were to marry, in what way would you maintain a healthy “interdependence”? What would you depend upon each other for and what would you take personal responsibility for?
   
   
4. Describe how you were disciplined as a child. If you have children, how will your discipline be the same and how will it be different than what you experienced?
   
   
5. What are five reasons a person would want to spend the rest of their life with you, and three reasons they wouldn’t?
   
   
6. What have you learned from your previous relationships that will make you a better partner from someone at this time?
   
   
7. Describe your spiritual journey over the past ten years, including high and low points.
   
   
8. What are three of the most vivid memories you ca recall from birth to age 18?
   
   
9. We hear a lot today about compatibility. What does this mean to you?
   
   
10. TO what extent do you see the way you both communicate as similar and in what way is it different? What does the phrase “learn to speak your partner’s language” mean to you?
    
    
11. When a person marries, they sever the cord of dependency on and allegiance to their parents. If you marry, which of these will be the most difficult to sever and why?
    
    
12. Is it easy or difficult for you to pray with a person you’re in a relationship with, and for what reason?
    
    
13. To what degree are you a saver or a spender when it comes to money?
    
    
14. How has your relationship with Jesus Christ changed since this current relationship?
    
    
15. Describe what your life was like before you met your current partner. Describe what you were like before you met your current partner?
    
    
16. Dreams and aspirations are very important. Have your partner write their response to “if I were to marry I would…” Complete this phrase ten times.
    
    
17. What are the questions about me you’ve always wanted to ask but never have?
    
    
18. What do you think are God’s purposes for marriage?
    
    
19. What are your beliefs about prenuptial agreements?
    
    
20. In a relationship, what part of giving of yourself do you struggle with?
    
    
21. What are your beliefs about pornography, and to what degree has this ever been a part of your life? How recently?
    
    
22. If I were a doctor and you were describing your medical history for me, what would it entail? (Accidents, hospitalizations, diseases of any kind including HIV/AIDS, syphilis, herpes, or others.)
    
    
23. If something really bothered you about me, how would you go about expressing it to me?
    
    
24. What would those in your prior relationships say about you? What did you learn from them?
    
    
25. What is there about my life and personality that concerns you at this time?
    
    
26. How has your relationship with God changed in the past five years? How has your partner’s relationship with God changed in the past five years?
    
    
27. How would you keep romance alive if you were to marry?
    
    
28. What are five habits you’re glad you have and five you wish you didn’t?
    
    
29. Who are the people in your life that have influenced you the most and in what way?
    
    
30. Could you describe the people in your life who are the easiest to get along with and those who are the most difficult?
    
    
31. Ten years from now, where would you like to be emotionally? How about spiritually? How about economically? What about family size?
    
    
32. What was your family’s economic level and emotional environment like when you were growing up? In what way do you see this affecting your life today?
    
    
33. When you are sick, how do you want others to respond to you? When a significant person in your life is sick, how do you respond?
    
    
34. What brings you the greatest satisfaction in life, and what do you think it is about you that brings the greatest satisfaction to the Lord?
    
    
35. What are the “must have” and “must not have” qualities in a person you may want to spend the rest of your life with?
    
    
36. What is there in your life that you never want to change or that you would never be able to let go of?
    
    
37. If you could ask Jesus to change an area of your life, which area would it be, and how would you like it changed? How long has this been a concern?
    
    
38. What has God taught you in the following situations in your life: failure, pain, waiting, not having enough money, facing disappointment, and facing criticism?
    
    
39. How would you rate your friendships with those of the same sex? 1, “Easy – it’s a snap”; 2, “Whatever – I can take them or leave them”; 3, “They’re hard work but worthwhile”; 4, “Discouraging – they let you down”; 5, “Not sure if I’ve had a deep friendship.”
    
    
40. What was your last relationship like, and what are three reasons you’re confident the relationship is over and you can move forward?
    
    
41. What do you wish you could say to your mother and father that you’ve never said to them?
    
    
42. Can you think of any loss in your life that you’ve never fully grieved over?
    
    
43. What are five adjectives you would select to describe your relationship with your father?
    
    
44. What are five adjectives you would select to describe your relationship with your mother?
    
    
45. These are all of the activities that I enjoy doing (list them). Of all these things, which ones wouldn’t you enjoy doing with me?
    
    
46. What was the lowest point or most difficult time in your life, and how did you handle it?
    
    
47. Describe how you handle stress and frustration. What creates the greatest stress and frustrations in your life?
    
    
48. How would you handle holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and so on, when it comes to your two families? What does gift giving mean to your family?
    
    
49. What is your dream or fantasy of a “perfect marriage”?
    
    
50. What are three ways in which you see us as different? What are three ways in which you see us similar? Which of these are you most comfortable with?
    
    
51. What qualities do you see in your parents that you expect to see in your future spouse?
    
    
52. If I tell you I don’t want to do something, or if I don’t feel comfortable doing something you would like to do, how would you want to handle that?
    
    
53. Everyone brings some baggage into a relationship. What baggage are you bringing, and would it fit in an attaché case, a carry-on bag, a small suitcase, or a trunk?
    
    
54. How comfortable are you with confrontation or conflict? How do you usually resolve conflicts?
    
    
55. When you marry, do you want children? If so, how many? Are you open to adoption? What training have you had to be a parent or stepparent?
    
    
56. What will your relationship be like with your parents, siblings, and friends after you marry? The same or different? If different, in what way?
    
    
57. If you were to marry, what would be the hardest adjustment a person would have to make in order to live with you?
    
    
58. How much do you value “personal time” – time to yourself to reflect, study, or recreate?
    
    
59. What is your idea of a “family”? What would you change about your family and how you were raised? What steps would you take to make these changes?
    
    
60. What are your financial responsibilities and goals? How capable are you in budgeting, balancing checkbooks, shopping patterns? How stressful are these things to you? What debts do you have at this time, and have you ever filed for bankruptcy?   
    
    
61. What has been the greatest amount of debt you’ve experienced?
    
    
62. How do you know you’re in love with your partner? ( Here are some healthy indications of love)
    
    
    1. Sharing test. Are you able to share together?
       
       
    2. Strength test. Does your love give you new strength and fill you with creative energy? Or does it take away your strength and energy?
       
       
    3. Respect test. Do you really have respect for each other?
       
       
    4. Habit test. Do you only love each other – or do you also like each other, and accept each other with your habits and shortcomings?
       
       
    5. Time test. Have you known each other long enough to know each other well?
       
       
    6. Separation test. Do you feel an unusual joy while in the company of each other? Is there pain in separation?
       
       
    7. Giving test. Are you in love to give? Are you capable of self-giving?
       
       
    8. Growth test. Is your love dynamic in its growth? Is it progressively maturing?
       
       
    9. Sex test. Is there mutual enjoyment of each other without the constant need of physical expression?
       
       
63. What do you think the Scripture means in Ephesians 5:25 and 22 when it says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church,” and wives, submit to your husbands”?
    
    
64. If I could talk to your parents, what would they say I needed to know about you?
    
    
65. Who are you? (How would you describe who you are to another person?)
    
    
66. How would you complete these sentences?
    
    
    1. “In marriage, a wife should…”?
       
       
    2. “In marriage, a husband should…”?
       
       
67. What are the experiences in life you would want the person you married to have? What are the experiences in life you would not want the person you married to have had?
    
    
68. Who are the couples that you know who have growing, healthy marriages?
    
    
69. On a scale of 0 to 10, to what extent do you experience guilt or anguish over your previous relationships? How might this guilt be affecting you in building a relationship with another individual?
    
    
70. What are the various jobs you’ve held, and for how long? What did you like and dislike about each other?
    
    
71. What are your hobbies and interests aside from work? How much time and energy go into these, and would this change or stay the same if you were married? If you spend a lot of time on the computer or cell phone, how would you adjust this to work in a marriage?
    
    
72. If you were to marry, what would you receive from marriage that you wouldn’t have if you to remain single?
    
    
73. What has been your source of information about marriage? Parents, friends, classes, books? What would you do to learn more about marriage after you’re married?
    
    
74. What are the areas of your life you must control and those areas in your life you would like to control?
    
    
75. What television programs and movies have made an impact on your life and in what way?
    
    
76. During a conflict, a person either yields, withdraws, compromises, wins, or resolves. Which of these tends to be your style?
    
    
77. If you inherited a large sum of money and could afford to live anywhere in the world, where would it be? In addition, what would you love to do that you can’t do now? How would you use the money? Would you still want me in your life?
    
    
78. What was the best experience you’ve ever had at church, and what was the worst? How involved do you want to be in a local church?
    
    
79. What about your partner makes you proud of them?
    
    
80. If you could ask God any questions at this time, what would they be?
    
    
81. Describe how you came to know the Lord. When was it? Who was involved? Where did it take place? How has your life changed?
    
    
82. What do you believe are five elements that make marriages work?
    
    
83. In light of the number of divorces today, if you were to marry, why would your marriage last and not end up in divorce court?
    
    
84. What has been your experience with alcohol or drugs in the past and at the present time?
    
    
85. How well do you handle constructive criticism and advice?
    
    
86. If marriage is on the horizon, are you planning to go through premarital counseling? After you’re married, would you be open to seek marriage counseling if major concerns arise?
    
    
87. What are the questions you have at this point in your life about sex? Do you wish you knew more when it comes to sex? Do you wish you knew less?
    
    
88. Of all the emotions we experience in life, what are the easiest ones for you to express and what are the most difficult?
    
    
89. What are the passions in life you would love doing, and which of those would be meaningful to you if I were to do them with you?
    
    
90. What foods do you enjoy, and what are your feelings about eating healthy?
    
    
91. Politically, where do you find yourself – liberal, middle of the road, conservative, ultraconservative? Using the same scale, where do you find yourself spiritually?
    
    
92. Do you feel you need to compromise or sacrifice anything to be a part of this relationship?
    
    
93. What are the five biggest fears in your life?
    
    
94. Do you like animals? What animal would you love to have as a pet that you don’t or can’t have at this time? How would you work it out if your partner wanted an animal and you didn’t?
    
    
95. If I messed up in a decision, whether in business or just in general, how would you share your frustration about my decision with me?
    
    
96. Who are the people in your life you’ve needed to forgive, and how did you accomplish this?
    
    
97. Take note of the fruits of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law.” One a scale of 0 to 10, where do you see yourself on each one of these traits at this point in your life?
    
    
98. How frequently do you have contact with your former partner, if any, and in what way? What is the purpose of the contact? What feelings do you experience on these occasions?
    
    
99. Do you believe you and I should be honest about everything in our relationship, or should some things be kept private? If I asked your past partners if you were honest and trustworthy, how would they answer?
    
    
100. How many times have you been married (including any annulments)?
     
     
101. What do you envision in the future for this relationship?